I do not know you, but sometimes I feel antisocial. If I'm working on a big
project, I will 'work' mode and tend to avoid chitchatting I can get more
work. Then, after a long time to build this habit I began to find it more
difficult to connect with people.
If you choose to avoid conversations constantly your brain learns that the
conversation is difficult. And if you avoid for long enough, you'll
struggle to remember how to do it well. If you choose to keep people
constantly your brain will spend less time outdoors covered other. Instead,
you will be more focused on your inner thoughts.
You may be familiar with gems like this & # 8230;
"I can not think of anything to say. "
"It is not like me. "
"These people are better than me. "
And they journey when you try to make friends. The good news is that it
happens to everyone. But what can you do to get out of it?
Say Everything is better than saying nothing
Every time you make the choice to stay in your head instead of saying
something (anything!), You make it a little harder for you to be social.
Because the next time you are faced with the same choices you will have
more chances to make the same decision you made last time.
Thus, it follows that every time you make the choice to say something
instead of staying in your head, you make it a little easier for you to be
registered next time.
Should I say, "Thank you, have a great day" at the cafe staff I walk out?
Or should I say anything?
Should I say, "Hi, how are you? "To the person who is next to me on the
bus? Or should I look at my feet?
Should I ask the taxi driver how his day was? Or should I scroll through my
Facebook feed?
Although these interactions last ten seconds before returning to the
silence, to decide them is psychologically better to introduce you to stay
in your head. Your brain will go, "Oh, focusing may be outside anything I
should do more instead of rattling in the echo chamber," and your negative
thoughts decrease.
If you're feeling antisocial, expect to fail at it a bunch of times, but
start small to prevent you from getting discouraged. First step below 0 and
f * ck it up until you always get it right, then take the next step.
Notice that increasing your confidence with each step. You will really feel
more comfortable with people, more motivated to speak, and more willing to
take risks more if you just open your mouth and do this.
Step 0: Make eye contact and smile.
Continue to do with new people and try new ways of doing until you get
always smiled. Their smiles, you will feel more confident and prepare for
the next step.
Step 1: Go out of your way to greet service personnel with things like "?
Hi, how are you, "Thank you, good day," etc.
Keep trying different ways until you always get positive feedback from
returning. Their positive feedback, you will feel more comfortable.
Step 2: Say "Hi" when walking past people.
Keep trying until you always get positive responses back and feel
comfortable with it.
Step 3: Make timely observations and verbalize. As "Oh what a cute
dog, 'or' shirt Nice & # 8221.
You can end the conversation there. Keep trying different ways until you
always get positive responses back.
Step 4: Make a real effort to continue the initial conversation in all
directions.
Just say anything after the initial introduction. As "Where are you? "Or"
What is the dog's name? "Or" It sounds like you're on your way to something
important. "You can end the conversation there. Keep trying new ways it
until you can still continue the conversation beyond the initial
introduction, and get the reactions you want.
If this seems hard to you that means you're probably not in step 3. Get in
step 3 step 4 is easier, and so on. (And if you need help with this, my
site has a guide that will also help you figure out what to say and how to
say it.)
Step 5: Add something personal about yourself, like "I want a dog and one
day # 8221 ;.
Add, It would be nice to have something to take care of "or" You know I
usually avoid taking risks, but I'm beginning to wonder if I need to change
that "or" I love __ . I could talk for hours and # 8221.
Rather than trying to impress people with what you say, just aim to
entertain or committed. Keep trying until you always get the reactions you
want.
Step 6: Ask something that the other person thinks.
Saying things like "What made you decide to get into this? "Or" Are you
generally lucky or unlucky? "Or" What is something that your friends tell
you that you are great at? "All they have to think before answering.
Now you are a legitimate conversation. Keep trying until people always open
to you.
Step 7: Start group conversations.
For example: "Where are you guys" on a walking tour, or "Does anyone see
this thing in the news today? "With your colleagues. Keep trying until you
can easily manage and continue the conversation group.
And of course do without the loud and obnoxious guy who does not know when
to shut up and listen.
Step 8: play a character in the conversation.
If I tell a story about the time Steve ate a rotten egg, for example, I
could temporarily impersonate his voice and body language and adopt the new
situation, instead of saying, "He cried to Mom and vomited. "Keep trying
until people always laugh at your characters.
Step 9: Invite people to the things you organize. Get friends to bring
friends you do not know.
Now you are leading the social circle. Keep trying different ways until
people constantly accept your invitations.
At this point, the world is your oyster. You take a lot more risks than you
were when you started this thing because you have built a constant habit to
get out of your head and say something.
This is not the end of the road. It's just a solid base that allows you to
take control of your social life. From there, you decide what you want to
take risks, and the direction you want to develop. And if you're struggling
with one of the steps, add your own small steps. For example, you can ask
for the time or directions before verbalize observations if that is easier.
So stand up and say something (anything!) To the next person you see. It is
a skill that you develop by doing so. Not something you are born with.
More: 3 Steps to Breaking Out Of A Slump
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