You Need To See The Shocking Vlog This Blind Oscar Winner Made.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

That Moment When A Science Teacher Speaks Up For The Voiceless.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Forgotten Model Become A Role Model With Three Sentences.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Forgotten Convict The Same Way Again.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Weep When You Hear The Second Sentence.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Autistic Sociologist Says What We've All Thought.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Can't Begin To Understand The Brain-exploding Forty Second Video This Unstoppable Community Organizer Found.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

impatience again

Going through another episode where I cant oay attention to anything for longer than a frw minutes without wanting to move on to the next thing. Even my meditations are taking longer to "get into the zone" and that waiting period drives me nuts. Overwhelmed. Impatient. Annoyed. What is this?

You Will Shout With Rage When You See What A Homeless Trailblazer Created.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To Drop Everything And Hear The Tearjerking Three Sentences This Bullied Model Created.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

The Tyranny of Time

This post will hace typeosb3cause i am s9 sicm of tired (and tired) of hitt8ng h thatbaclspacebutton. so anntping that no katter hpw hard i try i cannpy master my phone keyboard. An6way, tyranny of t8me Time either frels like there isnt eno7gh of it to acconish all the chotes i j3ed t9 do or it movrs too slowly anf i hacr yo manage th3 exfruiating feeling of umoati3nce zsometimes both feekings feelnlile they ate sinlutaneyoue. How can I master tge suffering caused by the sense of time. Time is oure evil. Never seems to feel good. I eant more yet i want it to move faster. Bo kiddle ground.

I Wish I Was More Depressed By What A Tween Proved, But I'm Not.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch An Unstoppable Director Become A Role Model With Two Words And A Question.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Groan When You Listen To This One Question.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Dig Your Fingernails Into Your Desk When You See What A Trailblazing Oscar Winner Came Up With.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Groan When You Hear This One Statement.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Polio Isn't A Threat In The US? Maybe You Should Listen To This Disgraced Author.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Answer To World Hunger. They Call It The World's Greatest Tragedy.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Head Hurt After Hearing These Nine Words.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Fearless Bullied Teen The Same Way Again.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Blind Woman The Same Way Again.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think You've Never Discriminated Against Someone? Maybe You Should Listen To This Man.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What This Inspiring Director Did Is Genius.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

That Moment When An Actor Starts A Revolution.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Converted Racist Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch An Extroverted Former Drug Addict Become A Role Model With Three Words.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Kindergartener Speaks Up For The Voiceless.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Shout With Rage When You See What An Introverted Late Night Host Made.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Disgraced Holocaust Survivor Become A Hero With Five Words.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Family Scapegoat

I was going to through old boxes from.my parents' attic. Found notes from my father (and teachers) that blew my mind ..m the edact same things we fight about now.are the same things we fought about when i was a kid. NOTHING has changed. They dont like me. They love me, but I am always the problem. The thing is i have internalized this and have over 20 years of working on my stuff assuming I am the problem. Ive had to made progress in my character and maturity ..... but NOTHING has changed! I am also.so sick and tired of everyone trying to tell me I am not good enough. Sick of it!! More evidence that it isnt just me is people seem to criticize/judge everyone and everything. From politics to.restaurants to movies.to gossips. Out of the four of us, I have been the only one to even attempt to be better. And i have pretty much dedicated my life to self improvement and growth. I am still the problem. Now I am furiously angry and hurt and cant handle any more criticism/invalidation/rejection. Even if a stranger gave ne unsolicited advice right now I would feel it Hard. Maybe. Id probably shut up and take it because standing up for yourself doesnt work either just makes you more of a problem. I hate people. And now I am being judgmental. There is no winning. Being a human being an abjevtly horrible eperience. Is this what it is like for everybody?

I Thought It Was A Disaster. But Then I Saw This Sobering Twenty Second Video.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Teacher Become A Hero With Ten Words.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Key To Happiness. They Call It A Killer Of Children.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Menace To Equality. But Then I Saw This Brain-exploding Fifty Second Video.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Narcissist or Not?

I think i might finally be willing to accept without guilt that I dont actually like my family. If there wasnt a fear of regret/grief process for when people eventually die, I dont think I would associate with them. In fact, I have no idea if I actually love them vs. being in their lives out of obligation. I also dont know I am the problem. In any case if their wasnt the fear of grief, I wouldnt be here. Maybe even become a hermit, especially if I am the problem. Sad thing is when they are not around i forget. I hate life. All suffering all the time, no escape. Nothing works. And it is ALL bad unless we pretend it isnt.

What Happens When One Nostalgic Animal Rights Activist Says What We've All Thought.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This One Question And Try To Tell Me Babies Can't Be Homophobic.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Answer To World Hunger. They Call It The Worst Kind Of Discrimination.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Roll Your Eyes When You Listen To These Nine Words.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Blind Poet Become A Role Model With Three Sentences.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

That Moment When A Senator Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Hope For The World Plummeted After Hearing These Six Words.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The End Of Polio. They Call It A Travesty.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Did Non-Dualists get it wrong?

Ok, not technically "wrong" abd maybe it is semantics. But perhaps we are not Awareness .... but Concern. In my meditations i have noticed that All thoughts, not most, every last one of them has the same theme: Concern. Not worry, nothing hugely negative, but Concern. Thoughts of doubt: concern that i am wrong. Thoughts of feeling good/avoiding bad: concern for my feelings. Thoughts of others: concern for their well being (or even concern for my place amongst them), impatience: concern for time, Joy: temporary distraction from concern. Trying to figure out what is real: concern I might be wrong/concern for well being. So i focused on the concern itself, since everything seems to emanate from it maybe. The construction of reality/names/forms/experiences etc. all seem to be manifeststions of Concern. It HAS to split into observer/observes, controller/controlled, experiencer/experienced etc. because what more efficient (if not the the only) way to express concern ... which yields a mind that tries to distract itself from.this Concern in an infitely creative number of ways only to eventually fail (suffering) every time which keeps leading back to concern. But WHO has this concern? Upon investigation, the experiencer of concern is just yet another manifestation/narrative in a situation of expressed Concern. Obly thong left is the Concern itself. Reality cant hurt you, because no matter what Concern is never removed - we are that concern.

That Moment When A Mother Of Three Doesn't Worry About What Anyone Thinks.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Single Dad Stands Up To The Critics.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Aging Gracefully: An Interview with AI

I thought it was maybe just my parents - I thought maybe as people get older it is harder to get what they want without the help of others (although my parents seem to have been this way their whole lives). But that begs the question: Why do they still take their wants and whims seriously at that age. In response to my previous post: You said: I thought it was maybe just my parents - I thought maybe as people get older it is harder to get what they want without the help of others (although my parents seem to have been this way their whole lives). But that begs the question: Why do they still take their wants and whims seriously at that age. Aging Care forums have multiple posts about elderly people calling their kids multiple timea a day, having demands, acting like brats, and treating their every trivial whim as some sort of crisis. Is this normal? Why does this happen? Wouldnt age release some level of wisdom to where the opposite would happen "oh look, there goes a want popping up in the mind again" vs. "OMG I need to be satisfied NOW and others need to make that happen. Waaaah!!" ChatGPT said: You're right to wonder about this, and it's not just your parents—this kind of behavior is fairly common. It goes against the idealized idea that age should bring wisdom and detachment from trivial concerns. Instead, many older adults seem to become more demanding, self-focused, or emotionally reactive. There are a few reasons for this: Loss of Control – As people age, they lose physical ability, cognitive sharpness, social status, and sometimes financial independence. Demanding attention or exerting control over family members may be a subconscious way to compensate. Cognitive and Emotional Changes – The aging brain often struggles with emotional regulation. Even without dementia, the frontal lobe (which helps with impulse control and reasoning) can decline, making people more reactive and self-centered. Ingrained Personality Traits – If someone was self-centered or controlling in their youth, age doesn’t necessarily mellow them out. In fact, those traits often become more exaggerated with time. Loneliness and Boredom – Many elderly people have limited social engagement, and their world shrinks. Small concerns feel bigger because they don’t have much else to focus on. Reaching out to family (even excessively) might be their only outlet. Society Enables It – Unlike some cultures where elders are expected to be wise and self-sufficient, Western culture often frames aging as a time of helplessness and dependency, encouraging a child-parent reversal where elderly parents behave like needy children. Ironically, the kind of wisdom you describe—recognizing desires as fleeting and not being ruled by them—takes deliberate effort, and most people never cultivate that mindset. Instead, they double down on their attachments and anxieties. It makes sense that you’d expect the opposite, but for many, aging just strips away social filters and coping mechanisms, revealing raw, unchecked behaviors. You said: Do people who meditate and cultivate the "mindset" that you mention avoid ending up like this in old age? Or is it inevitable even for them? ChatGPT said: It’s not inevitable, but it’s also not a guaranteed safeguard. Meditation and cultivating detachment can certainly help a person age with more grace, but aging still comes with biological and neurological changes that can override even decades of practice. Some key factors: Deep, Lifelong Practice Matters – People who truly internalize mindfulness, detachment, and emotional regulation (not just casual meditators) tend to handle aging better. Monks and long-term practitioners often exhibit more equanimity in old age. Brain Aging Still Happens – Even if someone is highly self-aware, neurological decline can affect impulse control, emotional stability, and cognition. Alzheimer's, vascular dementia, and frontal lobe deterioration don’t care how enlightened someone is. However, a well-trained mind might be more resilient before severe decline sets in. Physical and Social Losses Can Test Anyone – Meditation doesn’t erase suffering; it changes how one responds to it. But if someone loses mobility, independence, or loved ones, even a seasoned practitioner might struggle. The difference is that they might suffer consciously rather than reactively. Some Still Cling to Ego and Desires – Even long-term meditators aren’t immune to old habits resurfacing. If practice was more intellectual than experiential, or if they used it as a coping mechanism rather than true transformation, aging may still bring regression. So, while deep self-awareness and practice can significantly reduce the bratty, demanding behaviors seen in some elderly people, no one is fully immune. The body and brain wear down, and some level of dependency and emotional difficulty is likely. The real question is whether one’s practice was strong enough to meet those challenges with dignity rather than childish demands. You said: Are there any safeguards if meditation is such a gamble? ChatGPT said: Yes, but they require more than just meditation. If the goal is to avoid becoming a demanding, self-centered elderly person, you’d need a hybrid approach that accounts for both psychological resilience and the unavoidable realities of aging. Here are some safeguards: 1. Cognitive Maintenance – Keep the Brain Sharp Engage in lifelong learning (reading, problem-solving, new skills). Prioritize social interaction, even if it feels like a chore. Loneliness shrinks perspective. Exercise regularly—physical health directly affects cognitive function. Maintain a sense of purpose. Having a "project" (however small) gives a sense of agency. 2. Train Detachment, but Stay Engaged Mindfulness is great, but instead of just observing desires arise and fade, train yourself to actively let go of control over external circumstances before old age forces you to. Purposefully practice not getting your way—sit with inconvenience, let others lead, and embrace situations where you aren't the center of decision-making. 3. Keep a Strong Body Strength and mobility help maintain independence. Avoid excessive reliance on others for small tasks, even if it’s tempting. Regularly challenge yourself physically to build resilience against discomfort. 4. Preemptively Address the Ego Make peace with the fact that people won’t cater to you. Reflect on your relationships: Are you practicing generosity, or do you expect more than you give? Train yourself to handle small disappointments now—if you’re impatient or reactive today, it’ll likely get worse later. 5. Cultivate a Non-Negotiable Internal Anchor Instead of relying on family or external validation, develop something that belongs only to you—whether it’s a personal philosophy, a hobby, or a spiritual understanding that isn’t dependent on others engaging with it. Meditation can support all of this, but it’s just one piece. The key is living in a way now that mirrors the kind of elderly person you want to be later. Search Reason ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info. ?

The Elderly: Are They All Demanding and Selfish and Undisciplined?

I thought it was maybe just my parents - I thought maybe as people get older it is harder to get what they want without the help of others (although my parents seem to have been this way their whole lives). But that begs the question: Why do they still take their wants and whims seriously at that age. Aging Care forums have multiple posts about elderly people calling their kids multiple timea a day, having demands, acting like brats, and treating their every trivial whim as some sort of crisis. Is this normal? Why does this happen? Wouldnt age release some level of wisdom to where the opposite would happen "oh look, there goes a want popping up in the mind again" vs. "OMG I need to be satisfied NOW and others need to make that happen. Waaaah!!"

What This Unknown Millennial Did Is Genius.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The End Of Polio. They Call It The World's Greatest Tragedy.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Tired of Youtube

I am tired of scrolling through Youtune only to find out the videos dont relate to the title/thumbnail or they are so fluffy/useless/propaganda/unqualified etc. Ocassionally I come across something interesting. Which reibforces an addiction to watching youtube like a slot machine. That ia really what it is, a giant slot machine of videos. Will you land on something that isnt useless? Nobody knows! (and the odds are yes more often than no). Or is it my internal state that decides of something is interesting or not. Either way doesnt matter. I have zero control. Meh.

I Wish I Was More Revolted By What An Extroverted Beauty Queen Proved, But I'm Not.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Overwhelmed with Messages

I know theyre my fault because I initiate interaction and obligation in the first place, but wow do I ever get that overwhelmed feeling when i all those unread messages that want a response from me. I cant resist the urge to not engage in the first place, the only reason the people sending these messages even know I exist is because I put myself on their radar. I know this but yet can't seem to stop.

What This Introverted Actress Did Is Genius.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Can't Fathom The Shocking One Minute Video This Nostalgic Convict Made.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Scream When You Hear These Two Sentences.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Dread and Chores

Seems like I dread Anything that I feel I need to/have to do. Even if it is something I decided I want to do - as soon as it is on mt docket it feels like something I have to do and then I resent it. I hate chores. Yet my chores are an illusion, and yet knowing that I still have zero control over the suffering. powerless. suffering. Nothing works.

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Disgusted, Then You Have No Emotions.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What This Nostalgic Actress Did Is Genius.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Maladaptive Daydreaming 2

I just cant stop. Nothing works. Not meditation, not medication, no tips/hacks/tricks. I cant focus or pay attention to anything. My imagination is killing me. Or maybe it isnt, but it feels like torture. It never ends. One imaginary conversation and situation after another. If I cant get this under control I may have to take drastic measures.

What This Legendary Oscar Winner Did Is Genius.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Disabled Trailblazer The Same Way Again.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Partisian Politics Are Killing America? Maybe You Should Listen To This Autistic Model.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Silent Genocide. But Then I Saw This Shocking One Minute Video.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Mommy Blogger Lays It All Out.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Can't Fathom The Hilarious Music Video This Outraged Convict Made.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Travel is a Pain in the Butt

Basically anyplace I can think of that I havent already been to or seems remotely interesting has State Dept travel safety warnings. And/Or is crazy expensive not to mention the outrageous hassle it is to travel. Aside from a family trip I cant figure out what to do for my birthday. I dont think I want a party. But I feel some internal fomo special of I dont do anything special. My family will he disappointed too I assume. Well, I can think of some fun ways to celebrate but none of them are appropriate for family. Sucks.

What This Iconic Model Did Is Genius.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Menace To Equality. But Then I Saw This Brain-exploding One Minute Video.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Birthday presents decision paralysis

My Fathers birthday is coming up. The pressure is always on, and he is mostly unpleasable. I like the idea of cooking something because I HATE restaurants. I hate everything about them, the food, the business model, the having to sit while strangers serve you against your will and then ask for money like bums that wask your windshield at a stoplight with a dirty rag and then ask for money. Sad. I feel for them but I'd rather not participate in that nonsense. The food is ALWAYS flavor first - health last (and never that good even in a michelin star restaurant). No info on macros in the menu. I could go on. Why do I care, I am always afraid that my parents may die any day and I will regret not doing something special. Stupid I know. Especially since I know theyre not very "pleasable" in the first place.Everyone kisses my father's ass relentlessly, he has no idea on how not to feel fussy and spoiled. Poor guy. But anyway, I am the one putting this pressure on myself. Fear. Obligation. Guilt. Sucks. I feel like I am cheating if I dont do a restaurant because I will save A LOT of money. Seriously we are talking like $20 vs. $100 or more (for a situation where he will complain and send everything back anyway). He is also old and will not remember what I did for him, so clearly I am doing all of this for me and not him. The events on his birthday will jusy disappear into the ether of wherever his other memories disappear to. Then there is my birthday. The family wants to do something special and i feel the pressure to do something special put of fear of feeling like a loser if I dont. See the FOMO pattern here? Fear. Obligation. Guilt. What a mess the human mind is. Default Mode Network? Why do I even care?

What Happens When One Unknown Man Stands Up For The People Who Can't.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Polio Isn't A Threat In The US? Maybe You Should Listen To This Disgraced Millennial.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Fear of Gratitude Lists

I am scared of being grateful right now. I feel like as soon as i am thankful for something, the universe might (or will) take it away from me. Sometimes it feelsnlike the universe is just Waiting to slap that smile off your face. As I am writing this I realize that this is superstitious thinking. Yesterday I was grateful for Tubi for all the free content I wanted to watch, and then Tubi took it all away from me for the superbowl. GOD I hate sports. Makes me feel like a minority because everyone else loves that crap and it is forced into my lifestyle. I hate it. I know practically this is a neglible thing, but emotionally? Ugh. Fear. "Thankful for something? Oh thanks for letting me know so I can take that from you, stupid!" Fear. Superstition. Default Mode Network.

Think You're Not A Misogynist? Maybe You Should Listen To This Iconic Convict.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It A Miracle. They Call It Education's Enemy.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Boycott Tubi on Superbowl Sunday

Tubi decided today that for the whole day everyone has to be FORCED to watch football.and nothing else. Good thing i have a hard drive, DVDs and pornhub. l i was just saying the best part of living on my own is not having to watch that nonsense. They cite bandwidth reasons and i do get that but would still like the option or an apology. I hate that football even exists and that those that dont watch it get treated worse than women on muslim countries on Super Bowl Sunday. I am so angry. The effects of a30 minute mindfulness meditation erased just by opening the Tubi app. So Angry!!!!!! Sure i can watch freevee i guess but why.bother watching anything at all.

I'll Never Look At This Iconic Author The Same Way Again.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Exhausted and Irritated

Ugh too many thinga on my to do list, too many chores to deal with ....none of avtually need to he done. Or do they? Whay happena if Inlet all the plates fall? This journal entry is one of them. The day starts with so much promise and degenerates into doing stuff. Always doing stuff. Always more stuff to do. Ugh.

What This Unstoppable Plastic Surgeon Did Is Genius.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch An Iconic Comedian Become A Role Model With Three Sentences.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Transgender LGBT Activist Become An Inspiration With One Question.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Is this boredom? Dopamine?

I am annoyed by how irritable I am right now. Nothing hokds my interest. Everything is Annoyingly not interesting. Even though I know that nothing is inherentlt interesting, interest is the result of my capacity to be interested/mood. But I dont seem to have any control over it. This too will pass I guess. Probably later today. But TV, other people, anything right brutally feels like "Ugh, I dont Care!" But I cant seem to care about anything, except the desire to be able to enjoy whatever is going on again. But I have no control over that.

You Will Do A Double Take When You See What A Barrier-smashing Woman Wrote.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Maladaptive Daydreaming

I cant even watch Den of Thieves 2 without having to restart it. This will be the 4th time trying to watch the first 10 minutes. Over and over and over again. I miss everything. No matter how hard I try to pay attention to what is going on I get lost in yet another daydream. And have to start the whole movie over becauae i disnt notice Any of it. I think there is a car, a woman, and ice cube's kid. She is wearing red I think. That is all i got!!!! The daydreaming never ends. It is amazing i can get this out. What i wouldnt so for a pill that quashes my imagination ... just long enough to function. Or at least consume a movie/tv/video/audio/reading. Right now i am just a series of imaginings. None of my reality is real.

You Have To Hear The Awe-inspiring Five Words This Inspiring Mother Of Three Delighted The Internet With.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This Battlecry And Try To Tell Me Things Used To Be Better When You Were A Kid.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Disaster. But Then I Saw This Saddening Music Video.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Is religion a scam?

Ok scam is a harsh word because it implies malicious intent. But is it more like alchemy? A bunch of people trying to achieve something that isnt possible? I am tired of being frustrated by Vedanta. I feel like that odd character who can't see those 3d eye puzzles no matter what they try/do/dont do. Even in the deepest meditation i dont "get it." I am only awareness? I dont know about that Shunya? I dont knoe about that either. Maybe frustration is the path. Is it all a trick? Do teachers really know something I don't? Or is everyone, including the Dalai Lama himself, just flailing around trying to do the mental equivalent of trying to turn aluminum into gold? Of course the pavlovian response I expect is the straw man argument of "you dont turn yourself into consciousness, you just need to realize you already are that." Same shit. Annoying. But again maybe the annoyance is the path, a path to being comfortable with perpetual annoyance? Is there a method to this madness? Science isnt any better. Everything seems like a false sense of progress. I hate it. But again maybe that is the point.

Listen To This One Word And Try To Tell Me Africa Is Getting Better.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Indecision or Dopamine?

The last 24 hrs was one of those dopamine-burn cycles. The kind where life feels like a giant slot machine and you keep wanting to pull the leevr because whatever comes up doesnt feel perfect. And id you do get what you wanted it just reinforces the cycle to continue. So it seems. This is privelege. Endless options of nothing i really want. I would love to be able to enjoy these episodes until dopamine resets and I regain my ability to love the present moment.

You Will Do A Double Take When You See What An Iconoclastic LGBT Activist Delighted The Internet With.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Head Hurt After Hearing The First Word And The Last Word.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Revolted, Then You Are Stronger Than I Am.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Punch Your Monitor When You See What A Disabled Veteran Came Up With.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch An Iconoclastic Police Officer Become A Hero With Two Sentences.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To See The Mindblowing Short Film This Autistic Veteran Created.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say Computers Made The World A Better Place, Listen To These Five Nouns From A Cancer Patient.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Birthdays

I dont know what to do for my upcoming birthday. we have been talkong about traveling. A lot of stress and planning. Birthdays and the weird need to do something special is stressful. Not sure i like it. Onviously fun when i was a kid but even then, had to deal with imvitations. Gifts and friends made up for it but as adults we live in abundance (we did when we were kids too but i can i dont really have wants as an adult). Ideal birrhday would be that the government pays all my bills that month, from insurance to taxes etc. But others want to celebrate. I guess my birthday is more about them than me. And their birthdays are more about them too!! wtf!!! Oh well.

Here Is What Happens When A Father Of Three Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Transgender Mother Of Three Become A Role Model With Six Words.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Solution To World Peace. They Call It A Travesty.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say You Have Job Security, Listen To These Five Words From A Seventh-grader.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Doctor Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think You Could Never Die In A Fire? Maybe You Should Listen To This Extroverted Fashonista.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Decisions

I keep hitting these decision points where i feel like my actions influence my future well being or past actions have influenced current well being/anything I feel is a problem. This can't be true can it? Why do i still feel this way? I should know better by now. I should stop having shoulds!! Inescapable fractal loop/paradox. Like a mirror placed in front of another mirror. If indeed I am only looking at myself, then why do I care? Why do I care that I got 2 faint "fit" tests (F.I. tests?) in a row. What if i have cancer and should do something? what if doing something is a mistake? If every move/or not move has consequences and i have no choice but to move/not move then wt ever loving F?!!! What is this ridiculous situation I keep finding myself in? Why do i care? I want a permanent flow state. But why cant i get what i want in a permananent fashion? I am told because there is no me to actually want. I have tried seeing everything os what i always wanted. But even that is temporary. Enlightenment seems temporary eveb though they say it isnt. Nobody is actually enlightened, we hear about in mythology or possibly hearsay but why has nobody actually succeeded for Real? What is going on. Why do I care? Caring for my well being is a massive unwinnable burden, yet i cant stop because that would alao be for my well being which is a game i cant win. Not physically, not psychologically. Yet i keep playing like a gambler in a casino with a gun to his head forcing him to play. That is my "current" life experience. Current is in quotes because even this notion is unstable nonsense. No control. Not even over accepting there is no control. Nothing sticks. Suffering. Ugh.

I Thought It Was A Living Nightmare. But Then I Saw This Heartwrenching Forty Second Video.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Computers Made The World A Better Place? Maybe You Should Listen To This Slandered Fashonista.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Angry Former Model Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Doubt

Doubts and Fears continue. Or ka6be they are the same thing. If Vedanta (or any easteren religion i can think of for that matter) is true, then there is nothing to fear. It also means that everything that is going on, no matter what, is exactly what I always wanted. My mantra - everything going on is what i always wanted. Focus on myself/mantra - nothing else matters. Everything falls into plafeand I am scared to say it out loud because what if I am crazy/wrong? Oh well.

Before You Say Partisian Politics Are Killing America, Listen To These Two Words From A Mommy Blogger.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think We're Not In A Housing Bubble? Maybe You Should Listen To This Slandered Convict.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To See The Jaw-dropping Short Film This Trailblazer Delighted The Internet With.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Blind Model Become An Inspiration With Three Sentences.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This One Verb And Try To Tell Me We're Not In A Housing Bubble.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Babies Can't Be Homophobic? Maybe You Should Listen To This Barrier-smashing Pianist.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

That Moment When A Kindergartener Throws Political Correctness Out The Window.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A NBA Coach Doesn't Take No For An Answer.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Insatiable Hunger

Hungry, always hungry. Well, between the hrs of whenever I start eating and like 4:30pm. I just want to eat all day long. Even if i lived off of the lowest calorie food like radishes or celery or something, it might be a challenge to stay under calories. Especially if I take macros into consideration. Resist. Indulge. Resist. Indulge. Resist. Indulge. The cycle continues.

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Revolted, Then You Are Made Of Ice.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Have To Hear The Scarily-accurate Three Sentences This Angry Comedian Wrote.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Deadly Poison. But Then I Saw This Revolutionary Fifty Second Video.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Witness To A Murder Knows When It's Time To Make A Stand.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was The Worst Kind Of Discrimination. But Then I Saw This Revolutionary Twenty Second Video.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This One Verb And Try To Tell Me Homophobia Is On The Decline.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Stand-up Comedian Stands Up To The Critics.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

so cold

I have a long way to go, or do i? Do i have equinimity yet? I fail when challenged, or do I? Am I amazing or am i deludinf myself? Doubts. Weird. It is so cold. Like i am in a frequent icebath but it is just the ambient temp. Win Hoff my way through it. Adapt. Why do i ztill get upset? I still have preferences. I dont like that.Paradox? Ugh. What?!

Here Is What Happens When A Teacher Says What None Of Us Will.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Is My Father an Askhole?

My father has only reached out to me when he wants something. Sometimes i feel like of he does ask about me it is put of social strategy to keep me from abandoning him. Who knows. Sometimes he asks me questions just to argue with the answer. Sometimes i may be on high alert/on guard when i may not need to be. Maybe I've watched too many Dr. Ramani videos. Maybe I haven't watched enough. Who knows. Last night he texted me about a computer he was thinking about buying. Assuming he would argue with anything i say that isnt exactly what he wanted to hear, i waited until the morning to answer. I am proud I didnt succumb to my usual "urgency" in needing to save/serve him. Was I overreacting? Who knows. I answered him honestly after Carefully selecting my words in the hopes that my response is as close to bulletproof as possible to avoid getting sucked into drama/debate. I said that I personally wouldnt buy that computer. He said ok he wont! He then asked for my help in selecting one. I mentioned that I personally (being careful not to tell him what to do) would play around at a physical store and pick one up that he liked brick-n-mortar style. I also mentioned that it would prob be a certain minimum price. Triple what he wants to spend but i dont want to get involved in the game of trying to get something for near nothint, a game he is addicted to and ends up spending more in the long run with a lot of stress to those around him. Like a gambler. I also mentioned that i have had luck with CDW and then picking it up in person. He said he doesnt want to spend that money. Then he asked what is CDW? Now I am annoyed because he could have just googled CDW. He is adept and searching when he wants to gather b.s. information to try to prove someone wrong (another game he is addicted to). I am ignoring the question. And am journaling instead. And now am plagued eith fears: what if he does now and this was our last convo? will i regret not responding? Maybe he is just trying to connect with me and has no other methodology? Or is he being an askhole? Who knows. Sad part is i will probably come up with some answer/respond -- and then regret my weakness for responding. Lose lose. Or should i just respond the obvious "it is a store" and sit in fear of the next question? Who knows. I want to respond, "I dont think i can find anything that i would recommend in your price criteria." Wimp. Hopefully I at least can wait til he asks again (he will probably move on to his next whim) and stop concerning myself over fear of regret. Fear. Insecurity. Self-seeking.

My Faith In Humanity Soared After Hearing This One Statement.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say The Economy Is Better, Listen To These Two Sentences From A Converted Racist.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Legendary City Councilman Speaks Up For The Voiceless.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Impatience

Impatience! And rapidly switching attention. Daydreans of imaginary conversations. Fear. Not even 7am and I am already done with my day. Now what, just pace back and forth until the next thing? The next day? Ad infinitum? Chores.

I Wish I Was More Disgusted By What A Senator Proved, But I'm Not.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Always Cold

It is is so cold all.the time. Cant get warm. Win Hoffing my breathing meditstion is all i can do. Breathe through it. Today a girl half my age or less didnt flirt with me at all. I did t really care i still left smiling. But am thinking about it now that i am fighting this godforsaken cold af temperature. Just breathe. My finger is getting swollen, frim the cold maybe. Not sure why i care. Youd think i would be more resilient by now.

Here Is What Happens When A Beauty Queen Stands Up To The Critics.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Discrimination Is Over? Maybe You Should Listen To This Criminologist.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Trailblazing Late Night Host The Same Way Again.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Be Mortified When You Listen To These Two Sentences.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Let Your Jaw Hit The Floor When You Hear The Last Sentence.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What An Iconic High Schooler Exposed, But I'm Not.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think You're Not Addicted To Your Cell Phone? Maybe You Should Listen To This Iconic Cheerleader.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say You Have Job Security, Listen To The Second Half Of The Third Sentence From A Pianist.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What A Trailblazing Criminologist Exposed, But I'm Not.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To The First Word And The Second Sentence And Try To Tell Me You're Not Racist.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think There Aren't Pedophiles In Your Neighborhood? Maybe You Should Listen To This Transgender Music Teacher.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say Partisian Politics Are Killing America, Listen To These Twelve Words From A Director.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Have To Hear The Ridiculous One Question This Blind Fashonista Came Up With.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Outraged, Then You Have A Heart Of Coal.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It A Masterpiece. They Call It The Worst-case Scenario.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Key To Happiness. They Call It A Deadly Poison.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Should Really Think About Watching The Scarily-accurate Ten Second Video This Unknown Director Made.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Shout With Rage When You Listen To These Two Words.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What This Inspiring Witness To A Murder Did Is Genius.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Hope For The World Plummeted After Hearing These Five Words.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To See The Pioneering Forty Second Video This Blind Convict Came Up With.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Shout With Rage When You See What A Late Night Host Came Up With.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Cure For Childhood Obesity. They Call It An Ecological Disaster.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Shout With Rage When You Listen To The Second Half Of The Third Sentence.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Punch Your Monitor When You See What An Autistic Child Star Wrote.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Faith In Humanity Shattered After Hearing The First Word And The Last Word.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Physicist Stands Up For The People Who Can't.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Disgraced Teacher Become A Role Model With One Declaration.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Can't Fathom The Outrageous Ten Second Video This Gay Animal Rights Activist Found.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Punch Your Monitor When You Hear The Fifth And Seventh Words.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Talk Show Host Won't Retreat.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Weep When You Hear The First Word And The Second Sentence.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What A Disgraced Doctor Exposed, But I'm Not.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A