so cold

I have a long way to go, or do i? Do i have equinimity yet? I fail when challenged, or do I? Am I amazing or am i deludinf myself? Doubts. Weird. It is so cold. Like i am in a frequent icebath but it is just the ambient temp. Win Hoff my way through it. Adapt. Why do i ztill get upset? I still have preferences. I dont like that.Paradox? Ugh. What?!