Family Scapegoat

I was going to through old boxes from.my parents' attic. Found notes from my father (and teachers) that blew my mind ..m the edact same things we fight about now.are the same things we fought about when i was a kid. NOTHING has changed. They dont like me. They love me, but I am always the problem. The thing is i have internalized this and have over 20 years of working on my stuff assuming I am the problem. Ive had to made progress in my character and maturity ..... but NOTHING has changed! I am also.so sick and tired of everyone trying to tell me I am not good enough. Sick of it!! More evidence that it isnt just me is people seem to criticize/judge everyone and everything. From politics to.restaurants to movies.to gossips. Out of the four of us, I have been the only one to even attempt to be better. And i have pretty much dedicated my life to self improvement and growth. I am still the problem. Now I am furiously angry and hurt and cant handle any more criticism/invalidation/rejection. Even if a stranger gave ne unsolicited advice right now I would feel it Hard. Maybe. Id probably shut up and take it because standing up for yourself doesnt work either just makes you more of a problem. I hate people. And now I am being judgmental. There is no winning. Being a human being an abjevtly horrible eperience. Is this what it is like for everybody?