Monday, June 30, 2025

Saturday, June 28, 2025

What Happens When One Slandered Former Model Doesn't Take No For An Answer.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Rage When You See What An Inspiring Seventh-grader Found.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Emotional.Weather High Variance

This seems to be day 5 of hugh variance mode? I hope not. I already couldnt make a good cup of tea. I think thisnisnwhy I stopped being playful - most of my moves dont work out. I also realized people dont actuallt like me. probably true of all of us. They like a veey fake cleaned up version of me. My sobriety anniversary is coming up and i dread ir evey year - i hate aa meetings, it is so fake, and rhe pagenatry. if i behaved like myself and told them how inresllt feel theyd retaliate. that tetailiation is actuallt spelled out in the 3rd step! it would at least be an earful of what i "should" believe and feel. Family comes over dor 4th of july. Sweet of them to want to but already I hear "if i am at your house it will need to be under 80 degrees." I will do that of xouree snd eat the cost of rhe a/c and wesr a sweatee myself but i realized - why am I the only one that prefers not to run a/c? I dont thinj i have ever heard "this is nice" unless i am being fake or bending to other peoples wants. Anything that is the real me/in line with my preferences yields an "arrgh - this experience needs to change!" i have to shower because they dont like how i smell. i have to be set the thermostat low because i am alome in my preferences, i have to not swear because it offends people, i have to be so fake or it is retaliatory backlash. i know "technically" there may be no real me. the only truths or Something is, something wants to know what is, something is trying figure it out. But it still hurts. I get why people become hermits. "Be fake! Perform to our will or we will hurt you!" - this is society. this is other people. Thx fuckers! Why are my values always wrong to others? why am i the only one with these values? are they really all the same.to each other? like today - gotta go to the store. i cant ubless i add a stupid amount of chores of showerimg and changing etc. i will run into somebody i know and perform the fske smile like i care abkut hesring abt their lives shit. Cant tell them Anything abt mine - what i think, what i am wprking on, who i met in the process ... they freak out. it isnt their reality. even if i do it has to be sugar coated in fake. what do i get in return for this sing and dance? the privelege of not being chased down by pitch forks and torches. Thx fuckers!

Thursday, June 12, 2025