Here Is What Happens When A Father Of Three Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Transgender Mother Of Three Become A Role Model With Six Words.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Solution To World Peace. They Call It A Travesty.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say You Have Job Security, Listen To These Five Words From A Seventh-grader.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Doctor Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think You Could Never Die In A Fire? Maybe You Should Listen To This Extroverted Fashonista.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Decisions

I keep hitting these decision points where i feel like my actions influence my future well being or past actions have influenced current well being/anything I feel is a problem. This can't be true can it? Why do i still feel this way? I should know better by now. I should stop having shoulds!! Inescapable fractal loop/paradox. Like a mirror placed in front of another mirror. If indeed I am only looking at myself, then why do I care? Why do I care that I got 2 faint "fit" tests (F.I. tests?) in a row. What if i have cancer and should do something? what if doing something is a mistake? If every move/or not move has consequences and i have no choice but to move/not move then wt ever loving F?!!! What is this ridiculous situation I keep finding myself in? Why do i care? I want a permanent flow state. But why cant i get what i want in a permananent fashion? I am told because there is no me to actually want. I have tried seeing everything os what i always wanted. But even that is temporary. Enlightenment seems temporary eveb though they say it isnt. Nobody is actually enlightened, we hear about in mythology or possibly hearsay but why has nobody actually succeeded for Real? What is going on. Why do I care? Caring for my well being is a massive unwinnable burden, yet i cant stop because that would alao be for my well being which is a game i cant win. Not physically, not psychologically. Yet i keep playing like a gambler in a casino with a gun to his head forcing him to play. That is my "current" life experience. Current is in quotes because even this notion is unstable nonsense. No control. Not even over accepting there is no control. Nothing sticks. Suffering. Ugh.

I Thought It Was A Living Nightmare. But Then I Saw This Heartwrenching Forty Second Video.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Computers Made The World A Better Place? Maybe You Should Listen To This Slandered Fashonista.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Angry Former Model Talks About The Elephant In The Room.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Doubt

Doubts and Fears continue. Or ka6be they are the same thing. If Vedanta (or any easteren religion i can think of for that matter) is true, then there is nothing to fear. It also means that everything that is going on, no matter what, is exactly what I always wanted. My mantra - everything going on is what i always wanted. Focus on myself/mantra - nothing else matters. Everything falls into plafeand I am scared to say it out loud because what if I am crazy/wrong? Oh well.

Before You Say Partisian Politics Are Killing America, Listen To These Two Words From A Mommy Blogger.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think We're Not In A Housing Bubble? Maybe You Should Listen To This Slandered Convict.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To See The Jaw-dropping Short Film This Trailblazer Delighted The Internet With.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Blind Model Become An Inspiration With Three Sentences.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This One Verb And Try To Tell Me We're Not In A Housing Bubble.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Babies Can't Be Homophobic? Maybe You Should Listen To This Barrier-smashing Pianist.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

That Moment When A Kindergartener Throws Political Correctness Out The Window.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A NBA Coach Doesn't Take No For An Answer.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Insatiable Hunger

Hungry, always hungry. Well, between the hrs of whenever I start eating and like 4:30pm. I just want to eat all day long. Even if i lived off of the lowest calorie food like radishes or celery or something, it might be a challenge to stay under calories. Especially if I take macros into consideration. Resist. Indulge. Resist. Indulge. Resist. Indulge. The cycle continues.

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Revolted, Then You Are Made Of Ice.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Have To Hear The Scarily-accurate Three Sentences This Angry Comedian Wrote.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was A Deadly Poison. But Then I Saw This Revolutionary Fifty Second Video.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Witness To A Murder Knows When It's Time To Make A Stand.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Thought It Was The Worst Kind Of Discrimination. But Then I Saw This Revolutionary Twenty Second Video.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To This One Verb And Try To Tell Me Homophobia Is On The Decline.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Stand-up Comedian Stands Up To The Critics.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

so cold

I have a long way to go, or do i? Do i have equinimity yet? I fail when challenged, or do I? Am I amazing or am i deludinf myself? Doubts. Weird. It is so cold. Like i am in a frequent icebath but it is just the ambient temp. Win Hoff my way through it. Adapt. Why do i ztill get upset? I still have preferences. I dont like that.Paradox? Ugh. What?!

Here Is What Happens When A Teacher Says What None Of Us Will.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Is My Father an Askhole?

My father has only reached out to me when he wants something. Sometimes i feel like of he does ask about me it is put of social strategy to keep me from abandoning him. Who knows. Sometimes he asks me questions just to argue with the answer. Sometimes i may be on high alert/on guard when i may not need to be. Maybe I've watched too many Dr. Ramani videos. Maybe I haven't watched enough. Who knows. Last night he texted me about a computer he was thinking about buying. Assuming he would argue with anything i say that isnt exactly what he wanted to hear, i waited until the morning to answer. I am proud I didnt succumb to my usual "urgency" in needing to save/serve him. Was I overreacting? Who knows. I answered him honestly after Carefully selecting my words in the hopes that my response is as close to bulletproof as possible to avoid getting sucked into drama/debate. I said that I personally wouldnt buy that computer. He said ok he wont! He then asked for my help in selecting one. I mentioned that I personally (being careful not to tell him what to do) would play around at a physical store and pick one up that he liked brick-n-mortar style. I also mentioned that it would prob be a certain minimum price. Triple what he wants to spend but i dont want to get involved in the game of trying to get something for near nothint, a game he is addicted to and ends up spending more in the long run with a lot of stress to those around him. Like a gambler. I also mentioned that i have had luck with CDW and then picking it up in person. He said he doesnt want to spend that money. Then he asked what is CDW? Now I am annoyed because he could have just googled CDW. He is adept and searching when he wants to gather b.s. information to try to prove someone wrong (another game he is addicted to). I am ignoring the question. And am journaling instead. And now am plagued eith fears: what if he does now and this was our last convo? will i regret not responding? Maybe he is just trying to connect with me and has no other methodology? Or is he being an askhole? Who knows. Sad part is i will probably come up with some answer/respond -- and then regret my weakness for responding. Lose lose. Or should i just respond the obvious "it is a store" and sit in fear of the next question? Who knows. I want to respond, "I dont think i can find anything that i would recommend in your price criteria." Wimp. Hopefully I at least can wait til he asks again (he will probably move on to his next whim) and stop concerning myself over fear of regret. Fear. Insecurity. Self-seeking.

My Faith In Humanity Soared After Hearing This One Statement.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say The Economy Is Better, Listen To These Two Sentences From A Converted Racist.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What Happens When One Legendary City Councilman Speaks Up For The Voiceless.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Impatience

Impatience! And rapidly switching attention. Daydreans of imaginary conversations. Fear. Not even 7am and I am already done with my day. Now what, just pace back and forth until the next thing? The next day? Ad infinitum? Chores.

I Wish I Was More Disgusted By What A Senator Proved, But I'm Not.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Always Cold

It is is so cold all.the time. Cant get warm. Win Hoffing my breathing meditstion is all i can do. Breathe through it. Today a girl half my age or less didnt flirt with me at all. I did t really care i still left smiling. But am thinking about it now that i am fighting this godforsaken cold af temperature. Just breathe. My finger is getting swollen, frim the cold maybe. Not sure why i care. Youd think i would be more resilient by now.

Here Is What Happens When A Beauty Queen Stands Up To The Critics.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think Discrimination Is Over? Maybe You Should Listen To This Criminologist.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I'll Never Look At This Trailblazing Late Night Host The Same Way Again.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Be Mortified When You Listen To These Two Sentences.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Let Your Jaw Hit The Floor When You Hear The Last Sentence.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What An Iconic High Schooler Exposed, But I'm Not.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think You're Not Addicted To Your Cell Phone? Maybe You Should Listen To This Iconic Cheerleader.

Listen closely at 0:23.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say You Have Job Security, Listen To The Second Half Of The Third Sentence From A Pianist.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What A Trailblazing Criminologist Exposed, But I'm Not.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Listen To The First Word And The Second Sentence And Try To Tell Me You're Not Racist.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Think There Aren't Pedophiles In Your Neighborhood? Maybe You Should Listen To This Transgender Music Teacher.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Before You Say Partisian Politics Are Killing America, Listen To These Twelve Words From A Director.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Have To Hear The Ridiculous One Question This Blind Fashonista Came Up With.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

If You Can Watch This And Not Feel Outraged, Then You Have A Heart Of Coal.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It A Masterpiece. They Call It The Worst-case Scenario.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Key To Happiness. They Call It A Deadly Poison.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Should Really Think About Watching The Scarily-accurate Ten Second Video This Unknown Director Made.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Shout With Rage When You Listen To These Two Words.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

What This Inspiring Witness To A Murder Did Is Genius.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Hope For The World Plummeted After Hearing These Five Words.

Seriously. Incredible.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Need To See The Pioneering Forty Second Video This Blind Convict Came Up With.

So amazing.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Shout With Rage When You See What A Late Night Host Came Up With.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Some Call It The Cure For Childhood Obesity. They Call It An Ecological Disaster.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Shout With Rage When You Listen To The Second Half Of The Third Sentence.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Will Punch Your Monitor When You See What An Autistic Child Star Wrote.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

My Faith In Humanity Shattered After Hearing The First Word And The Last Word.

A first you'll be intrigued. Then you'll be blown away.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Physicist Stands Up For The People Who Can't.

Starts around 1:54. Gets mindblowing around 2:15.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Watch A Disgraced Teacher Become A Role Model With One Declaration.

Get ready to spend the rest of the day trying to pick your jaw up off the
floor.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

You Can't Fathom The Outrageous Ten Second Video This Gay Animal Rights Activist Found.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Punch Your Monitor When You Hear The Fifth And Seventh Words.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Here Is What Happens When A Talk Show Host Won't Retreat.

Honestly, I'm speechless.-- https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

Try Not To Weep When You Hear The First Word And The Second Sentence.

The good stuff starts at 0:30. Make sure to stick around till 1:34.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A

I Wish I Was More Outraged By What A Disgraced Doctor Exposed, But I'm Not.

I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.--
https://youtu.be/6WgA8vpDm0A